I attended a dinner reception last week at a nice Italian restaurant downtown. Without divulging too many identifying details, I'll describe the environment as one in which all of us in attendance were trying to impress a few key people and - on some level - each other. It was an innately uncomfortable kind of thing, eased only by the presence of free wine.
I've said it before: I'm not a big drinker. I do, however, love me some wine.* This was the kind of event where I would not have thought twice about having a free glass of red. In fact, I was sort of upset by the fact that I COULDN'T partake in the vino-rific festivities (although I couldn't tell if I was more upset by missing out on something free than by the wine itself).
As the evening wore on, however, it became apparent that stealthy sicilian ninja waiters had been refilling the wine glasses of those drinking without their noticing. Someone said something like, "Wow, how many have I had? This glass keeps getting more wine in it..."
To understand what happened in that moment, I'm going to pull out a reference from my Looney Toons bag 'o' tricks. Picture the moment when, in hot pursuit of that deliciously evasive Roadrunner, Wile E. Coyote gets a bit carried away and finds himself chasing Roadrunner off a cliff. Because everyone knows that roadrunners are sneaky flightless bastards, the bird has actually never left the ground and shows up, with a boing and a smug expression on its beak, behind the coyote as he runs into midair.
Now, Coyotes are, while wily, not this clever. But since this is a cartoon, Wile would have been just fine had he never looked down to notice that he was running (successfully) in midair. It was always immediately after looking down that our hero/villian** took a nasty fall.
That comment, "Wow, how many have I had?" was the real-life equivalent of looking down.
All of a sudden, everyone realized that they were quite tipsy and conversation plummetted from the expectedly uncomfortable kind of awkward to the almost-painfully embarassing form. Polite questions became more personal, jokes became more inappropriate, words slurred together, eyes drooped, and the important people had a few angry conversations with the Italian ninja boozehound-enabling waiters.
I realized then that I should never drink at these functions, for two reasons:
* And of course a pint of beer at a happy hour, maybe the occasional cocktail, and naturally some kind of bottle of something on poker nights, and maybe an oatmeal cookie shot if I'm out with the girls...
** Depending on your worldview, and maybe political affiliation.
*** Including but not limited to the sociology of seduction and the cross-generational success of the Nintendo Wii.
I've said it before: I'm not a big drinker. I do, however, love me some wine.* This was the kind of event where I would not have thought twice about having a free glass of red. In fact, I was sort of upset by the fact that I COULDN'T partake in the vino-rific festivities (although I couldn't tell if I was more upset by missing out on something free than by the wine itself).
As the evening wore on, however, it became apparent that stealthy sicilian ninja waiters had been refilling the wine glasses of those drinking without their noticing. Someone said something like, "Wow, how many have I had? This glass keeps getting more wine in it..."
To understand what happened in that moment, I'm going to pull out a reference from my Looney Toons bag 'o' tricks. Picture the moment when, in hot pursuit of that deliciously evasive Roadrunner, Wile E. Coyote gets a bit carried away and finds himself chasing Roadrunner off a cliff. Because everyone knows that roadrunners are sneaky flightless bastards, the bird has actually never left the ground and shows up, with a boing and a smug expression on its beak, behind the coyote as he runs into midair.Now, Coyotes are, while wily, not this clever. But since this is a cartoon, Wile would have been just fine had he never looked down to notice that he was running (successfully) in midair. It was always immediately after looking down that our hero/villian** took a nasty fall.
That comment, "Wow, how many have I had?" was the real-life equivalent of looking down.
All of a sudden, everyone realized that they were quite tipsy and conversation plummetted from the expectedly uncomfortable kind of awkward to the almost-painfully embarassing form. Polite questions became more personal, jokes became more inappropriate, words slurred together, eyes drooped, and the important people had a few angry conversations with the Italian ninja boozehound-enabling waiters.
I realized then that I should never drink at these functions, for two reasons:
- The risk of becoming unexpectedly drunk is high, and the consequences awkward and embarassing for all involved.
- Whether I am stone-cold sober or have had something to drink, I tend to engage in unusual topics of conversation.*** Part of it is a need to mask the innate awkwardness I feel in these situations. Another part is the desire to talk about something more interesting things than my job or my hometown. I realized as I got on the bus to go home that having these same conversations with a glass of wine in me completely recontextualizes my naturally (and charmingly) absurd dinner reception personality. I'm no longer the kind of person with diverse conversational interests, I'm the girl who must be slightly tipsy. I'd much rather be perceived as the former.
I don't know if I'll stick to that now that this 2weeker is over, since free drinks are a vice I may never shake, but I'll definitely think twice before reaching for that glass of pino noir...
* And of course a pint of beer at a happy hour, maybe the occasional cocktail, and naturally some kind of bottle of something on poker nights, and maybe an oatmeal cookie shot if I'm out with the girls...
** Depending on your worldview, and maybe political affiliation.
*** Including but not limited to the sociology of seduction and the cross-generational success of the Nintendo Wii.
2 Comments
Post a commentI want to hear more about the sociology of seduction, and how that is related to free wine.
beer goggles and lowered DC standards should figure prominently in your methodology.
you raise an interesting methodological point. but seeing as how you were actually a research assistant on one of my sociology of seduction field observations (codename: rocketbar), I suspect you may know more than you let on about the sociology of seduction...