In case you needed more proof that the universe hates me:
I went into a Cosi on day one of this stupid thing and attempted to order a sandwich for lunch. I say attempted because I've noticed that, while my written communication skills are mediocre as usual, my ability to express myself verbally has taken a nosedive since giving up coffee. I'm not sure exactly what I said to the man at the register, but it did not resemble English and did not contain the phrase "Buffalo Blue Sandwich,"* which is what I ordered.
He looked at me sadly, perhaps trying to assess my learning disability, as I self-consciously explained that I hadn't had my morning cup of coffee. I declined getting anything to drink, but the guy reached for a coffee cup and headed for the big carafe.
"I'm giving you some coffee. It's on me."
I almost cried. "No, I can't have any. I'm giving it up."
Him: "Oh, okay. Well, what else do you want? Lemonade? Soda? You can have it."
Me: [whatever sound a soul makes when it shatters]
Why. WHY, I ask you. Strangers seem to know what's best for me while this blog continues to torture me. WHY?
---
Incidentally, this thing still sucks. I see no turnaround. I do not feel hydrated. I feel angry at people for no real reason and I feel groggy until about 5pm. I don't think this is caffeine withdrawal, I think this is my body telling me to have a freaking cup of coffee. My new goal is to get through this without invoking the "livelihood endangerment" clause.
I had an oatmeal at ABP yesterday with FOUR TABLESPOONS of brown sugar. FOUR. It wasn't the same.
I also discovered that coffee and not alcohol will be my true nemesis. Went out with some friends last night and didn't hear my brain screaming for the beer that was being offered to me. I did order a glass of ice water with a few cherries in it...which instantly sparked a heated debate** about whether cherries count as adulterating the water. On the one hand, I'll admit that some cherry syrup did mix with the water, purely by virtue of the cherries soaking in syrup before joining the party in my water glass.
On the other hand, the cherries were CLEARLY serving as a garnish to make the water feel more Midori Sour-like, and were EATEN during the process of drinking the water. And I swear to you on this two-faced baby that the flavor effect of the cherries on the water was negligable. However, as always, I defer to the judgment of the blogosphere.
* I don't recommend this one. Go for a TBM.
** This is an enormous exaggeration.
I went into a Cosi on day one of this stupid thing and attempted to order a sandwich for lunch. I say attempted because I've noticed that, while my written communication skills are mediocre as usual, my ability to express myself verbally has taken a nosedive since giving up coffee. I'm not sure exactly what I said to the man at the register, but it did not resemble English and did not contain the phrase "Buffalo Blue Sandwich,"* which is what I ordered.
He looked at me sadly, perhaps trying to assess my learning disability, as I self-consciously explained that I hadn't had my morning cup of coffee. I declined getting anything to drink, but the guy reached for a coffee cup and headed for the big carafe.
"I'm giving you some coffee. It's on me."
I almost cried. "No, I can't have any. I'm giving it up."
Him: "Oh, okay. Well, what else do you want? Lemonade? Soda? You can have it."
Me: [whatever sound a soul makes when it shatters]
Why. WHY, I ask you. Strangers seem to know what's best for me while this blog continues to torture me. WHY?
---
Incidentally, this thing still sucks. I see no turnaround. I do not feel hydrated. I feel angry at people for no real reason and I feel groggy until about 5pm. I don't think this is caffeine withdrawal, I think this is my body telling me to have a freaking cup of coffee. My new goal is to get through this without invoking the "livelihood endangerment" clause.
I had an oatmeal at ABP yesterday with FOUR TABLESPOONS of brown sugar. FOUR. It wasn't the same.
I also discovered that coffee and not alcohol will be my true nemesis. Went out with some friends last night and didn't hear my brain screaming for the beer that was being offered to me. I did order a glass of ice water with a few cherries in it...which instantly sparked a heated debate** about whether cherries count as adulterating the water. On the one hand, I'll admit that some cherry syrup did mix with the water, purely by virtue of the cherries soaking in syrup before joining the party in my water glass.
On the other hand, the cherries were CLEARLY serving as a garnish to make the water feel more Midori Sour-like, and were EATEN during the process of drinking the water. And I swear to you on this two-faced baby that the flavor effect of the cherries on the water was negligable. However, as always, I defer to the judgment of the blogosphere.
* I don't recommend this one. Go for a TBM.
** This is an enormous exaggeration.
10 Comments
Post a commenti hope you told him to visit 2weeker.com :)
You are hilarious.
mcc - it occurred to me when i got back in my office that i should have dropped the name of the blog. PERHAPS if I'd had some COFFEE that morning, I'd have reacted a bit more quickly...
thanks, justin. you are the wind beneath my wings.
I still think the cherries are cheating. I mean, if they were really for eating you clearly could have gotten a glass of water with a SIDE of cherries. But you didn't. You stuffed those cherries waaaaaay down that glass and abused them with your straw* until it made cherry water. That's why I had to expose you as a 2weekcheater.
xoxox
*also an exagerration
I knew it. Cheater Cheater Cherry Eater.
i resent any implication that cherries + water = cheating. i will go to my grave believing this.
if you can have cherries in your water, I CAN HAVE LEMON IN MY HOT WATER.
laura - would you SQUEEZE the lemon? lemon in hot water seems more meant for FLAVOR, whereas cherries were for garnish (and I ate them). Right? As my friend Davin said, "If you were to add cherry Juice you would obviously be over the line. Just cherries? How would that be any different than taking a bite of steak and a sip of water. No harm, no foul."
But I don't want to cockblock you from your lemon if I've opened up a cosmic loophole here.
why yes, i might squeeze the lemon. and then it would be cheating.
teehee.
but yeah, squeezing lemon = epic fail. cherry, not so much.